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5 Tips for Moms to Teach Good Touch and Bad Touch to Kids

by | Apr 25, 2024

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good touch and bad touch

Introduction 

Talking to your kids about body safety, good touch, and bad touch is really important for keeping them safe. It’s a good idea to start these chats when they’re young and keep the conversation going as they get older, making sure the details you share are right for their age. This helps them understand and feel comfortable talking about their bodies and personal safety. Here are some guidelines on how to approach this sensitive topic as a Muslim parent.

How to Start the ‘body safety’ Discussion

It’s crucial to start discussions with our children about their bodies and personal boundaries early on. Teaching them about concepts like ‘stranger danger,’ understanding the difference between ‘good touch and bad touch,’ and what constitutes ‘safe touch’ versus ‘unsafe touch’ is essential. Additionally, educating them on modesty, the importance of haya in dressing, and wearing a hijab when they reach the appropriate age is important for their understanding of cultural and personal values.

As kids grow and approach puberty, it’s equally important to guide them through the changes they’ll experience during adolescence. This guidance helps them understand and feel comfortable with the changes happening in their bodies and ensures they know these topics are not taboo but a natural part of life.

Pick up Baby steps

Navigating the topic of sexual education for children can be daunting for many parents. There’s often a mix of embarrassment, personal shyness, and cultural influences at play. In many cultures, even today, discussing such topics is typically taboo.

However, we live in a different era where, despite our discomfort, we must educate our children about these matters for their safety and protection. This is especially true for migrants or expats who are raising children without extended family support in unfamiliar surroundings. For these families, it’s crucial not only to teach children about body safety but also to pass on cultural values and awareness.

Many parents tend to delay discussions about ‘good touch – bad touch’ until their children start school, but starting earlier can be more effective. It’s also a common misconception that only girls need to be educated about body safety. Boys are equally at risk and need to be taught both how to respect others and how to protect themselves.

It’s overwhelming, considering all the topics that need covering, but starting with the basics of personal space and the rules about their own bodies is a practical first step. This foundation empowers children, giving them the tools they need to navigate both childhood and adulthood safely and respectfully.

Do it the ISLAMIC WAY

Teaching children about body safety is a fundamental responsibility, especially emphasized in Muslim parenting. From a young age, children should be educated on how to care for their bodies and, as they grow, how to protect themselves. This is crucial for helping them guard their private parts and, God willing, protect them from sexual abuse.

The importance of this teaching is deeply rooted in Islamic teachings. As stated in the traditions of the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ),

A man is the guardian of his family and responsible for them, and a woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and children, also bearing responsibility for them (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6719, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829).

Moreover, the Prophet (ﷺ) emphasized the significance of guarding one’s speech and private parts, linking it directly to the promise of Paradise.

Many Muslim parents express discomfort and uncertainty about discussing body safety, unsure of what’s age-appropriate. However, it’s often better to risk telling children too much rather than too little. This proactive approach ensures that parents, rather than peers or the media, are the primary source of information—especially critical as external influences grow more pervasive.

In Western societies, the additional complexities of cross-gender identities make starting these discussions even more urgent. Moreover, the reality of predators underscores the necessity of educating our children early about guarding their private parts, ensuring they are equipped to maintain their innocence and safety.

Starting these conversations early, continuously adapting them as children grow, and grounding them in both religious teachings and practical advice can help equip children with the knowledge and skills they need to navigate the world safely and with integrity.

Rules to Teach Good Touch and Bad Touch

Rule 1: Teach the Correct Names of Body Parts

Starting before age 2, teach children the anatomical names of their body parts, including their private areas. Avoid using euphemisms or “cute” names. This clarity not only promotes body safety but also aids in clear communication, especially if the child needs to express discomfort or pain related to those areas.

Rule 2: Teach the Concept of Body Being an Amanah

As your child becomes familiar with the names of their body parts, introduce the concept that their body is an amanah, or a trust, from Allah. Emphasize the importance of caring for and respecting their body as a part of their faith and a way to please Allah.

Rule 3: Teach the Concept of Awrah

With an understanding of amanah established, explain the concept of awrah, which involves the modesty and privacy of certain body parts. Teach them that these areas are private and should not be shown to others, except in specific circumstances like during medical examinations (with parental presence) or at home with parents for hygiene purposes.

Highlight the differences between genders in a straightforward manner, respecting the biological distinctions. For girls, introduce the concept of hijab as part of understanding awrah, explaining that it covers more than just the private parts and includes the whole body except for the face and hands.

Rule 4: Teach That Your Body Belongs to You Alone

Now, establish clear boundaries regarding body safety. Teach your child that their body is their own and no one else has a right to it. Introduce the concepts of ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ touches, helping them recognize when their boundaries are being infringed upon.

Rule 5: Discussion on Reproduction

Once these foundational concepts are solidified, and depending on your child’s age and maturity, begin discussions about reproduction. Explain in simple terms how babies are formed and born. Aim to provide this information before they learn it from other sources, which might not share the values you wish to instill.

Final Thoughts

Each family may adjust these rules based on their values, the child’s maturity, and situational needs. The key is to maintain open communication, ensuring that your child feels comfortable coming to you with questions or concerns at any time. This foundation not only helps protect them from good touch and bad touch but also builds trust and fosters a healthy understanding of their bodies and personal boundaries.

FAQs

Q1. At what age should I start teaching my child about body safety?

Answer: You can start teaching your child about body safety from a very young age, even before they turn 2. Begin with teaching them the correct anatomical names of their body parts, as this sets a foundation for clear and effective communication about their body.

Q2. How do I explain the concept of ‘safe touch’ and ‘unsafe touch’ to my child?

Answer: Explain ‘safe touch’ as touches that make them feel comfortable and are appropriate, like a hug from a parent or a high five from a friend. ‘Unsafe touch’ involves any touch that makes them feel uncomfortable, scared, or confused. Teach them that they have the right to refuse any touch from anyone that doesn’t feel right and to tell a trusted adult immediately.

Q3. What is the concept of ‘amanah’ in relation to body safety?

Answer: Amanah means trust. In the context of body safety, it’s important to teach children that their body is a trust given to them by Allah. They are responsible for taking care of it and protecting it, which includes understanding which parts are private and knowing how to assert their boundaries.

Q4. How can I teach my child about their ‘awrah’?

Answer: Explain to your child that the ‘awrah refers to the parts of the body that should be covered and kept private. For young children, you can simplify this by teaching them which parts are private and should not be shown to others, except in specific situations like with parents or doctors for health reasons. For girls, you can also begin introducing the concept of the hijab as they grow older.

Q5. How do I handle body safety education in a culturally sensitive manner while living in a western society?

Answer: While respecting and integrating your cultural and religious values, emphasize the universal aspects of body safety like privacy, respect, and personal boundaries. Be open about differences in cultural practices and prepare your child to understand and navigate the diversity they will encounter in society, all while maintaining a firm grounding in your own beliefs and values.

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