Abd al-Malik (radiyallaahu’ anhaa) reported that one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani married his dear daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn’ Amr al-Kindi. When the daughter was ready to be taken to her husband, her mother came into her room and advised her and said:
- “O, my dear daughter, if it was supposed pointless to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been pointless for you. Because you hold these qualities, it will serve as a reminder to those who are absent. And will help those who are sensible.
- “Dear daughter, if a woman were skillful at doing without a husband under her father’s wealth and her need for her father. Then you, of all people, would be most able to do without a husband. But women were created for men just as men were created for them.
- “O, my dear daughter, you are about to leave the family where you grew up. Where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a mate you are unfamiliar with. By marrying you, he has become dominant over you. So be like a respectful wife to him, and he will become a respectful husband to you.
Transfer Ten Abilities To Dear Daughter:
“Take from me ten abilities, O my dear daughter, which will be a provision and a lesson for you for your whole life.
- “The first and second of them are: be pleased in his company. And obey him and listen to him, for contentment brings the harmony of mind. And listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
- “The third and fourth of them are: make sure you look good and smell good. He should not see anything unpleasant in you. And he should not smell anything but a pleasing smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of prettification to be found. And water is better than the rarest fragrance.
- “The next two of them prepare his foodstuff on time. And keep silent when he is sleeping, for raging hunger is like a red-hot flame, and disturbing his sleep will annoy him.
- “The seventh and eighth are that take care of his children and servants. And take care of his treasure, for taking care of his treasure displays that you appreciate him. Taking care of his servants and children shows a good association.
- “The last two are that never reveal any of his confidences, and never violate any of his instructions. for if you reveal any of his confidences, you will never sense innocent from his possible betrayal. And if you violate him, his core will be filled with hatred towards you.
- “Be careful, O my daughter, of presenting joy in front of him when he is dissatisfied. And do not show misery in front of him when he is pleased. Because the former shows a lack of judgment, the latter will make him unhappy.