Reviewed by: Ustadha Al-shaimaa Nabil Abd-alfattah Abd-Allah
The Wise Counsel of a Mother to Her Dear Daughter on Marriage
Background of the Story
Abd al-Malik (radiyallaahu’ anhaa) narrated that one of the most esteemed leaders among the Arabs, Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, arranged the marriage of his cherished dear daughter, Umm Iyas, to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi. As her wedding day approached, her mother entered her room to impart timeless wisdom, offering valuable advice to guide her dear daughter in her new life.
A Mother’s Advice: A Reminder for the Noble-Hearted
Her mother began by saying,
“O, my dear daughter, if this advice were unnecessary due to your refined character and noble lineage, it would indeed be needless. However, these reminders serve as guidance for the sensible, as they reinforce good qualities in those who listen with an open heart.”
The Need for Companionship in Marriage
The mother continued,
“Dear daughter, if a woman were able to live contentedly without a husband, relying solely on her father’s support and protection, you would be the most capable of such independence. But, women and men were created for each other, designed to be partners in life.”
Embracing a New Chapter with Respect and Patience
The mother offered her dear daughter a gentle yet profound reminder:
“You are about to leave the family and home where you grew up, a place where you first learned to walk. You are moving to an unfamiliar home and will live with a partner you are yet to fully know. By marrying him, he holds a place of authority over you. So, respect him as a wife should, and in return, he will honor and respect you as a husband.”
Ten Essential Qualities for a Harmonious Marriage
Her mother then shared ten invaluable qualities that would support her dear daughter throughout her marriage:
- Contentment and Obedience
“Be pleased in his company, dear daughter, obey him, and listen to him. Contentment fosters harmony, and obedience to one’s husband is a source of Allah’s pleasure.” - Beauty and Fragrance
“Always strive to look good and smell pleasant, dear daughter. He should not see anything displeasing in you, nor should he smell anything unpleasant. Kohl is one of the best forms of beautification, and cleanliness with water is better than the rarest perfume.” - Care for His Needs
“Prepare his meals on time, and avoid disturbing him when he is resting, dear daughter. Hunger can make one irritable, and disrupted sleep causes annoyance.” - Manage the Household with Diligence
“Take good care of his children and the servants, and safeguard his wealth, dear daughter. Caring for his possessions reflects your appreciation for him, and tending to his children and servants builds a strong household.” - Guard His Secrets and Honor His Wishes
“Never reveal his confidences or disregard his wishes, dear daughter. If you share his secrets, trust will erode, leading to potential betrayal. Disobedience may fill his heart with resentment.” - Match His Moods
“Refrain from showing joy when he is displeased and avoid displaying sadness when he is content, dear daughter. Displaying happiness when he is upset may seem insensitive, while showing misery during his joy can dampen his spirit.”
Final Thoughts: Navigating Married Life with Wisdom and Grace
The mother’s advice to her dear daughter reminds us of the importance of mutual respect, patience, and understanding in marriage. Her words highlight how these qualities not only strengthen the marital bond but also bring blessings to both partners in their shared journey.
