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Beating Your Wife [Islamic Perspective]

by | Jul 1, 2013

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Hazrat A’ishah narrated:

“The Prophet (peace be upon him) never assaulted anyone-neither a woman nor a servant-with his own hands except while fighting in the cause of Allah” [Muslim] 

In the event of a family dispute, the Qur’an exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not overlook her POSITIVE ASPECTS

“O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (Surat An-Nisa 4:19)

Find the Problem:

If the problem relates to the wife’s behavior, her husband may exhort her and appeal for reason. In most cases, this measure is likely to be sufficient.  In cases where the problem continues. the husband may express his displeasure in a peaceful manner. There are cases, however, in which a wife persists in deliberate mistreatment and expresses contempt of her husband and disregard for her marital obligations. Instead of divorce. the husband may resort to another measure that may save the marriage, at least in some cases.

Following is the related Qur’anic text:

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women. Because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other. and because they support them from their means.  Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient. and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard.  As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) do not share their beds,(and last) beat (tap) them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all)” (Surat An-Nisa 4:34)


Women Status in Islam:

Islam has dignified women and treated them all like queens by laying their responsibility upon their men and emphasizing the principal that a woman, in terms of her tender creation and nature, should not be subjected to go out, work and earn her own livelihood. So, to keep her safe from roughing it out like men, Allah Almighty has placed her responsibility on men.

Think of the women’s creation; Laying down the burden of being the ones who conceive the children and mainly the one who is responsible for their feeding. upbringing and education, while also being responsible for managing the house and fulfilling the family members’ home need.; all this comes in conflict with the idea of her sweating it out in the work places in the name of income, career or liberation. Any person with the least sense of mercy should understand that. Most men cannot handle the burdens of responsibilities laid down upon women by creation.

“How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her? ” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to consult with his wives and listen to their opinions. He never showed any anger when they opposed him or argued with him. He gave all Muslims the best example of how should a man treat his wife to make her happy and take care of her.

“None but a noble man treats women in an honorable manner, and none but an ignoble [man] treats women disgracefully.” [narrated by Tirmithi]

Cooling Temper Tips

The arrangement described so far was to help tempers cool off within the privacy of the house keeping it restricted to the married couple. But, there are times when the family feud becomes long drawn.

How to Settle down the Dispute between Husband and Wife:

Allah addresses the guardians of the parties concerned and suggests a decent method which would cool down tempers. shut out avenues of accusations and make a compromise between the affected parties possible. So that the dispute which, no doubt, could not remain restricted to the couple’s home. would at least be settled within their families and not go to a court of law to become of public knowledge.

“If you fear a breach between them twain (the husband and his wife), appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers. if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: For Allah has full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.” (Surat Al-Nisa 4:35)

The verse orders the guardians to take one arbitrator from the man’s family and the other from that of the woman. Those arbitrators should have the capability to decide the dispute between the two parties. so they both must be knowledgeable and trustworthy.

If both arbitrators have good intentions and genuinely wish to bring about peace between the dissenting couple. There will be unseen help from Allah Almighty and they shall succeed in their mission. And it will be through their efforts that Allah Almighty will create love and harmony in the hearts of the couple.

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