Family disputes are very disturbing in any setup. Home plays a very important role in the civilized life of a person. An individual is born, brought up, and trained in a family atmosphere and this naturally leaves an everlasting impression on him.
His character and habits are developed at home, and in the family, and these factors are responsible for his future career. This is the reason why the Qur’an has laid so much emphasis on family life and has touched (for guidance) even the minute aspects of it in a most elaborate form. A good family order serves as a model for society, and its people determine the future of a nation.
“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.” [Surat At-Tahrim 66:6]
Common Causes of Family Tensions and Disagreements
It shouldn’t surprise anyone that sensitive family dynamics can be one of the most challenging aspects of caregiving for an elder, given the tremendous financial, physical, and emotional demands involved. This doesn’t mean that family squabbles are inevitable. In fact, if managed well, the experience of caring for an older family member has the potential to bring relatives closer as you help this person through this final stage of life. Here’s how to avoid conflicts with family members and work through them when they occur.
Typically, disagreements arise because of:
- Roles and rivalries dating back to childhood.
- Disagreements over an elder’s condition and capabilities
- Disagreements over financial matters and other practical issues.
- The burden of care.
SOLUTION TO OVERCOME THE FAMILY DISPUTES
Hold Regular Family Meetings
As soon as the person begins to have health problems, initiate regular family meetings with your siblings and other family members who will be involved in her care. The goal is to share information and make decisions as a group; the meetings can also be a source of support and provide a forum for resolving disagreements.
Divide the Labor
Rather than insist that all of the care-giving tasks be divided equally, consider a division of labor that takes into account each family member’s interests and skills, as well as their availability.
Talk About It
If you feel you’re carrying too much of the burden, consider discussing it with siblings and other family members. They may not realize that you’re feeling overwhelmed — or even know how much you’re doing.
Offer Help Even If You Live far Away
If you live far from your family member and other relatives are responsible for most of the care, be sure to offer support. Check-in often to see how things are going and to offer whatever assistance you can.
Seek Mediation — Especially if You Hit Trouble Spots
A counselor or mediator can help you and your family resolve disagreements or manage particularly difficult caregiving dilemmas. Schempp, who regularly counsels siblings and other caregivers, says, “It helps families to have an outside facilitator who can offer advice and support.”
Be Part of the Solution
If you find yourself in conflict with another family member when caring for an elderly relative, take a step back and get some perspective. Consider your own role in the conflict, and ask yourself if you’re acting out an old family role or resentment. It might help you to see a therapist for support and insight.
In The End- A Beautiful Tip To Overcome Family Disputes
A renowned exegetist of the Quran, Hakim-ul-Ummat, Mufti Amad Yar Khan
(May Allah’s blessings be upon him) has stated,
‘When entering his house,
one should recite: and place the right foot first into the house.
One should then say Salam to the household. If no one is present in house, one
should say: Some saints have been observed reciting:
and Surah Ikhlas as they entered their houses in the beginning of
This brings about harmony in the household preventing quarrel, and increases
blessing in sustenance.’ [Mirat-ul-Manajih, pp. 9, vol. 6]
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