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How do I choose a spouse from an Islamic perspective?

by | May 27, 2013

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What is a Spouse?

A spouse means the life partner to whom you get married, the husband-wife relation. It is used to refer to the husband or wife. A spouse who is a man is often called a husband, while a spouse who is a woman is often called a wife. 

What Does Islam Say about choosing a Spouse? 

Islam emphasizes the importance of Marriage. In the past articles on Marriage, we read many things, but today’s topic is different. This post is about selecting a suitable life partner with whom you can live your life happily according to the rulings of Islam.

According to Prophet (Peace be upon him):

“Nikah is my Sunnah, My system. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah, He is not from me or has no relation with me.”

[B. 67: 1]

Typically People Select their spouses for several reasons such as Beauty, Wealth, Rank, Caste, etc. I have seen most people choosing their life partner due to beauty. Now let’s analyze in light of the Qur’an and Hadith whom we should Choose for Marriage.

Qualities When Choosing A Spouse According to Islamic Perspective

According to Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:

“A person chooses his life partner due to four reasons. 

1. Rank 

2. Money 

3. Beauty 

4. Taqwa (Virtue).

One should choose who is best in Taqwa (Virtue)” [Sahih Hadith]

So above, Hadith, on choosing a spouse, clearly says that the preferable thing we should look to find a spouse is Virtue.

The following are some essential characteristics in the Qur’an and the Sunnah when choosing a good spouse.

Religious Conviction

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, 

“A woman is married for her deen, wealth or beauty. You must go for the one with deen; may your hands be in the dust! (if you fail to heed).” [Muslim]

This characteristic specifies ‘fulfilling the obligation and avoiding the forbidden. Hadith indicates concerning deen “, i.e., prospective spouse piety and best practice of Islam.

The characteristic of holiness applies to the man just as much as to the woman. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said:

“If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied with comes to you, marry to him. If you do not do so, there will be trials in the earth and a great deal of evil.” [Tirmidhi]

Character and deeds of Spouse

Character is essential in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and piety. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) has even described it as the purpose of his mission to humanity, as we can see from the following Hadith:

“I have only been sent to complete good character.” [Al-Hakim]

“Marry the loving/friendly, the child-bearing, for I shall outstrip the other nations with your numbers on Qiyama.” [Ahmad, Abu Daud ]

The prospective spouses must ask and find out about the other person’s behaviour and manners. As a sign, one may look at the other person’s family’s manners and behaviour, and many times (but not always), the behaviour of people of the same family is similar. In other words, some characteristics, good or bad, tend to run in some families, such as anger, politeness, stinginess, generosity, lying, truthfulness, and so forth.

Beauty and looks of Spouse

Once a companion told Prophet (Peace be upon him) that he was going to get married. The Prophet asked if he had seen her. When the man said no, he said:

“Go look at her, for it is more likely to engender love between you.” [Ahmad]

Umar ibn Al-Khattab once said: 

“Do not force your young girls to marry an ugly man, for they also love what you love.” 

Beauty has its role, but remember that it is way down on the priority list under holiness, character, and deen. When a person puts beauty above all else, the results can be disastrous. This is one of the big reasons that more mature family members must help young people seeking to get married in making their choice.

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